Ashes

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I’ve dreamt of my battle

And woke up ready to conquer

Lead an army for the title

Only to get slaughtered by the sheep 

 

I dreamt this dream

Through the storm

Woke up with a scream

Only to be muted by the roaring thunder

 

Am I scared of the thunder or the dreams I’ve dreamt through it?

 

I’ve spent many sleepless nights

And I don’t know what kept me going

Was it of reaching great heights

Or the fear of being too low

 

I pushed through the pain

I hoped for silver and gold

I struggled in the rain

When i glided through the hurricane

 

I’d hoped for silver and gold when I knew I could get diamonds and pearls.

 

Thunder doesn’t scare me anymore

But keeps me on my toes

And I’m running just like before

Breaking down these walls that cage me

 

I crashed and burned

Out through the walls that jailed me

That’s when i yearned

To do so much more

 

My thoughts running wild after being caged, I was truly free at last.

 

Found my strength and peace

I was once again ready to conquer

And bring them down to their knees

While their sins plead guilty

 

I wipe off their tears

Warm and bloody

And smile at their fears

Before they’re reduced to ashes

 

It was their time to be free now.

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The Disappointment Child

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Guns blazing

He goes into the fields

He returns victorious

Like a phoenix rising from its ashes

Yet back home, he crumbles to dust

 

Poised for a long trek

He sets out to the mountains

He returns victorious

Standing tall, all else look up at him

Yet back home, they look down at him

 

Walking through fires

Braving the high seas

Ripping through the hearts of his enemies

For untold riches and dreamy treasures

Yet back home, he is reduced to just pennies

 

Silencing the wild mind

Out through the turbulent waters

Gasping for air and warmth

He shouts for the light

Only to be pushed back into the deep darkness

 

Smiling through the pain

Pushing through the chaos

Find him in a desolate corner

Licking his wounds, ready to throw a punch

Only to be broken down into pieces

 

In search of peace and truth

He lived his life

Finding answer to neither of those

When one fine day, he woke up,

Only to be silenced yet again

 

Flying above us

Us, just tiny dots and dashes,

He smiles to himself

Wondering how,

How he survived so long

Through everything

Until he spirals and crashes

Into a web of thoughts in a desolate corner

 

All through my life I seem to disappoint all those around me. Anything I did felt insufficient or not up to the mark. I always questioned the path I took every step of the way. It was really hard with the people pointing out the mistakes I’ve done, and it didn’t help that I listened to them and wondered if I was good enough to be living in this world.
Along with these thoughts, I was constantly enveloped by a plethora of other questions like:

“What do I wanna be?”

“Who am I?”

“Why am I here?”

“What is my purpose?”

I felt choked by these questions. No doubt, I’m still haunted by these thoughts and I can do nothing but run away from them.
Maybe we need to just live our lives according to our own rights and wrongs or live our lives just for the sake of living it. Can’t really get into the philosophical aspect of it but one thing is certain:

You aren’t living it for others, You’re living it for yourself

If your heart and mind are in the right place, you’ve nothing to fear. You just need to focus on yourself and not bother about other people’s opinions. Maybe that’s how we’re supposed to live, maybe not. We’ll probably never know and it probably doesn’t matter too.

You can never disappoint anyone, but yourself.

Nobody should disappoint you, but yourself.

Icarus

icarus2

We all dream of open blue skies where we can just let go. Flap our wings and see the magic we can bring about. Showering pixie dust to those in need, pulling up those that are down, bringing rain to the drought we all live in.  We can do wonders if we just let go.

What we fail to realize is that we may fall down if we’re too high, gravity humbles us. If we ever do need to fly high, we need to fly out of earth into the pitch black of space, where anything is possible (fairy-tale).

But in case we fall down because of our negligence or over-confidence, it’s really hard to get back up and live that dream again. But we need to dust ourselves and fly out into the sun yet again with an ignited passion to prove all the doubters wrong. If we are determined, we can achieve it, we may just need to work harder. And we will.

 

I was flying so high

My wings spread across

Miles and miles long

But for how long

 

Gliding to touch the clouds,

My neck outstretched

Harder and harder i tried

Failing my guide

 

Royally I drank

Blind to those above me

Failing and falling into a spiral

I never noticed my own burial

 

Thinking I was the king,

My crown grew

Heavier and heavier with gold

You’re too low to be that high i was told

 

Twinkling up in the stars

My eyes couldn’t reach

High and low they flew

Heavy, my crown blew

 

Desperately I swooped for it

My speed out of control

Down and down I crashed

Life had been nothing but a flash

 

Writhing in pain and jealousy I lay there strangled by myself

Looking at my shattered crown

fiery tears rolled down

My wings were reduced to mere feet

As I failed this feat

Fear led me to this place

Fear’s going to fly me away

 

I stared at my smoky carcass thinking a lie. I never learnt but only dreamt

Of gold and riches. As i burned away my ties

 

Blood-Written

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With a bloody hand and a limp body, I crawled to a shelter. Gunshots echoing in from all directions, bombs and missiles all wreaking havoc for a lost cause. Coughing through all the smoke, I waited for a light that never came.

Smoke and fire had become a part of who I was. But today it was just too much to bear. The darkness engulfed me as I forgot daylight. All that remained was the distant sounds of a battle and the silence of smoke. Even if I managed to brave through all of this, will there still be something left outside? Will I still have something left in me? Through all the pain and thoughts in my head, I’d stopped coughing.

For some reason, all of sudden, silence was heard. No more bullets fired or explosives blasting. Just silence. It was eerily quiet. Just as I was starting to assume the worst, a bright light filled the room. I opened my arms wide to embrace death, but it never came. The light was everywhere but coming from nowhere.

There I saw written on the walls with blood

Forgive me for all I have done

That you will never see the sun

Nor hear the melody

Of the raindrops

 

Falling through all the smoke

Yet still bringing hope

Washing away tear stains

On the faces of rotting skulls

 

Forgetting right or wrong

We’ve come too far along

Running away from the truth

We all once stood for

 

As I close my eyes

I bid goodbye

To the one truth

That was always close to my heart

 

I’m sorry for I have sinned.